Is there such a thing? My heart palpitations, which I mentioned months ago are getting worse.  I’ve been keeping pretty close track of them and they intensify around my period.  That could mean one of two things…(or maybe both?).  On a good day, any blood test comes back telling me that my iron’s low.  Through internet research, I found that sometimes heart palpitations are caused by low iron or anemia.  Sounds promising…pop an iron supplement, no more wacky heartbeat.  Option two is that it’s hormonal.  Can changes in hormone levels cause palpitations?  Or is it possible that both issues are intertwined, creating erotic yet unruly spastic dances in my body?  At any rate, I truly feel as if these episodes are robbing me of my youth, vigor, and humor.  I read a quote recently that said, “It’s not the cards you are delt, but how you play the hand.”  (I’m terribly sorry I can’t give credit where credit is due, but I can’t remember where I read that)  In my case, having these irregularities in my heart has cast a severly dark storm cloud over my previously bright and carefree life.  When they start, I literally start doing little prayers to God;

“Dear God, please let me wake up and see my girls tomorrow.” 

or

 ”God, I know I don’t have many prayer-answering-points built up, since we don’t go to church and all, but all I really want is to see both my girls get married.  That’s all.  Nothing else.  Please.  Seriously.”

So, I’m constantly walking around thinking each minute is about to be my last.  How horrible is that?  And really, I’m only venting on here, simply because I seriously have HAD it.  I used to be a girl who ran for distance.  For fun.  I enjoyed it–no really, did.  Sometimes I ran twice a day.  Now I’m afraid to walk around the neighborhood at too fast a clip.  What if my heart has so many beats left in it’s poor, weak, four-chambered structure.? Who the hell wants to waste those remaining, numbered beats on running, if I can drag it out by sitting around? 

You see how pathetic it’s become? 

So, the whiner part of my seemingly multiple personality riddled self is done and the problem-solver is stepping in.  I’m vowing that tomorrow I will lay off the coffee and sugar.

(God, please send me a sign that I should drink coffee)

I’m going to be a bitch.

I’m thinking a modified raw food diet will do me good for a couple of weeks…If there’s any improvement, then I’ve probably definately hit on something.  I just refuse to believe that these palpitations are happening ‘because’.  Everything has a reason…even if we don’t always know what it is.  I’m just hoping that something in my body is low.  Potassium, Magnesium, Calcium, something.  Something that will allow me to solve my problem.  I desperately need to get past this, it makes me feel so pathetic. 

(God, please just help me find what it is). 

And I was making crockpot lasagna tomorrow. 

(God, you know how good that is…maybe you could just make my body not notice if I have some for supper?)

And so here I am this evening at 11:12.  Beginning my modified raw food diet.  Of course, I have to modify the diet a bit, because I simply can’t eat nothing but raw foods, so I’m allowing for whole wheat bread (5g of fiber per slice) and things like that. 

(Thank you God for making easter candy grow on trees)